So some of you say really large in the opening paragraph "I'm a party girl..." The first thing you want thousands of people that live around you to know is that you are a "party girl". I'd like to know your definitions of what a "party girl" is (please comment them if you would).
I can tell you right now, unless you're doing lines of coke off your best friends navel and sleeping in a sink with a couch cushion, you're probably not much of a "party girl". I would say you're probably an 18,19 year old that likes to get "crunk" with your friends off of some wine coolers and six pack of the beast (Old Milwaukee) and play innocent hoot-n-nanner games.
People who advertise how much they enjoy getting hammered on a daily basis are what most people in society, FUCKING LOSERS! I've been there, I've done that, and I'd say that yes I was a loser. It's one thing to have a couple cocktails, or even get drunk as shit every once in a while, but to make a life style out of a bottle of captain's and six pack of bud is a very sad little life. Why would you want this for yourself?
It honestly makes me sad when I see all these profiles of these girls w/ all their friends just shitfaced all the time and they have kids. Besides the fact that you're putting your kids aside to go out, but what kind of example are you setting? Whether or not you want to believe it, it has an effect on them whether you want it to or not.
I raised a little girl for a couple years (it was a mistake because of how it ended but it was an amazing couple of years) and i could count on one hand how many times we went out and didn't take the baby with us. Two years, we didn't leave her alone with a sitter but a few times. And that was only because people made us. Because that's what parenting is, it's being responsible for what you've created, and taking responsibility for your child's life. That whole experience taught me one thing; you have one chance to mold a child's mind and one chance only. If you mess it up the first time, you've already messed that kids way of thinking for the rest of it's life.
To everything there's always an exception to the rules, but let's go with the majority on this.
Lets face it, it's NOT cool to be a bar whore, it's NOT cool to make a lifestyle out of "clubbing", and it's NOT cool to pawn your kids off on other people so that you can do it.
Saturday, March 3, 2007
TyPiNg LiKe tHiS Jivin' like dat
I'm not real sure which genius discovered TyPiNg LiKe tHiS but they should be shot, not in the leg, not in the arm, but in the face. Why would anyone do this? Do they need read peoples profiles that make fun of that? Do they enjoy looking like they should wear a helmet and ride a bus that's half the size of the other kids?
Seriously, each and every one of them should be kicked square in the nuts! Reading log paragraphs typed like this makes most people motion sicks. Plus it takes a lot longer to type like that. It's like type a letter, hold the shift key, type a letter, hold the shift key, who the fuck has this much time on their hands?! I'm not one to make fun of people's grammar because mines not always the best, but fuck me running backwards if you're typing like a retard then at least proofread your shit you're posting for thousands of people to read so you don't sound like Corky from Life Goes On!
Ebonics...why the fuck do you speak it? Dat, dis, yo, playa, aight, lata, or anything with an "iz" in the middle of it to make it sound ultra cool are not MOTHER FUCKING WORDS! Once again, you, helmet, little bus. Please no one take offense to what I'm about to say, and no it's not a racist comment, but half of you people are white. You have skin like Casper, and an ass like Calista Flockhart. Now I'm waiting for hate mail on that comment but before you do, pleas realize that Ebonics definition is a term coined, originally intended and sometimes used for the language of all people of African ancestry, or for that of Black north American and west African people, emphasizing the African roots...
So white people, take off your bling bling, take out your "grillz", ditch your fubu, and become sophisticated people. Why would you want to look stupid? Why would you not want a future? How many high ranking people in society dress in fubu and sean john and say "Yo yo yo muh peoples, lets me tells you a stizory, aight, word!"
This is not a racist issue, this is a social issue so lets not make it about racism. People say "well I don't see color..." well let's step out of your hippie ways for a second and pretend like you live in present day. I don't give two shits whether your racist, black, white, gay, straight, or Jewish, you see color, you see religion, you see what you want to see. It's not a bad thing at all, it's what separates us all. It's what segregates society. Who the fuck would want to live in a world where everyone was like Ned Flanders and everything was "okely dokely"?
So quit being wankers, pull your balls out from between your legs, and realize that we don't live in a perfect world and that we live in a world of hate, discrimination, and racism. It's what we do, we look down on people different than us, we don't treat everyone as an equal and that's completely fine. Paint a visual for your self; if there's bum on the street and a family member standing on the corner, both getting ready to step off the curb in front of a bus who do you save? You know you can't save both, so what do you do? Ponder on that, and comment your answers if you really have some tree hugging sort of ways.
Seriously, each and every one of them should be kicked square in the nuts! Reading log paragraphs typed like this makes most people motion sicks. Plus it takes a lot longer to type like that. It's like type a letter, hold the shift key, type a letter, hold the shift key, who the fuck has this much time on their hands?! I'm not one to make fun of people's grammar because mines not always the best, but fuck me running backwards if you're typing like a retard then at least proofread your shit you're posting for thousands of people to read so you don't sound like Corky from Life Goes On!
Ebonics...why the fuck do you speak it? Dat, dis, yo, playa, aight, lata, or anything with an "iz" in the middle of it to make it sound ultra cool are not MOTHER FUCKING WORDS! Once again, you, helmet, little bus. Please no one take offense to what I'm about to say, and no it's not a racist comment, but half of you people are white. You have skin like Casper, and an ass like Calista Flockhart. Now I'm waiting for hate mail on that comment but before you do, pleas realize that Ebonics definition is a term coined, originally intended and sometimes used for the language of all people of African ancestry, or for that of Black north American and west African people, emphasizing the African roots...
So white people, take off your bling bling, take out your "grillz", ditch your fubu, and become sophisticated people. Why would you want to look stupid? Why would you not want a future? How many high ranking people in society dress in fubu and sean john and say "Yo yo yo muh peoples, lets me tells you a stizory, aight, word!"
This is not a racist issue, this is a social issue so lets not make it about racism. People say "well I don't see color..." well let's step out of your hippie ways for a second and pretend like you live in present day. I don't give two shits whether your racist, black, white, gay, straight, or Jewish, you see color, you see religion, you see what you want to see. It's not a bad thing at all, it's what separates us all. It's what segregates society. Who the fuck would want to live in a world where everyone was like Ned Flanders and everything was "okely dokely"?
So quit being wankers, pull your balls out from between your legs, and realize that we don't live in a perfect world and that we live in a world of hate, discrimination, and racism. It's what we do, we look down on people different than us, we don't treat everyone as an equal and that's completely fine. Paint a visual for your self; if there's bum on the street and a family member standing on the corner, both getting ready to step off the curb in front of a bus who do you save? You know you can't save both, so what do you do? Ponder on that, and comment your answers if you really have some tree hugging sort of ways.
Bastards!
I'm not real sure which dickhole complained about me but let me tell you something...stop being a sensitive pussy!
*crying* "The Dr. was saying mean and awful things that hurt my feelings Mr. Blog Moderator. He said the truth and it really hurt."
Which basically means this, you're one of the following:
A. Bi Sexual
B. Taking advantage of government money
C. Bi Sexual
D. A tranny
E. African American (My Jesse Jackson analogy)
F. Stupid (Don't know what an analogy is)
G. Live for the VIP
H. Single Mom's with naked photos of yourself
I. Fat
J. A crazy astronaut that drove 900 miles to kill someone
K. Someone I called a horse, pig, or sheep fucker
L. A Decpta-Head
M. Bi Sexual
N. Tara Conner
O. A tree hugging hippie
P. Figured out who my VIP illustration was and realized it was you
Q. Bi Sexual
R. Offended by being called a "stupid cunt"
So if you are one of the following don't tell on me, and just express your opinions to me. I'd love to hear them. Please share with me your feelings and we'll sit around a camp fire singing songs until the wheels fall off. And please, with all do respect, stop being a bunch of pussy's and stand up for yourself if you strongly disagree with me and my opinions. Otherwise, do me a favor; go play hide and go fuck yourself.
Captain Fuck Off
*crying* "The Dr. was saying mean and awful things that hurt my feelings Mr. Blog Moderator. He said the truth and it really hurt."
Which basically means this, you're one of the following:
A. Bi Sexual
B. Taking advantage of government money
C. Bi Sexual
D. A tranny
E. African American (My Jesse Jackson analogy)
F. Stupid (Don't know what an analogy is)
G. Live for the VIP
H. Single Mom's with naked photos of yourself
I. Fat
J. A crazy astronaut that drove 900 miles to kill someone
K. Someone I called a horse, pig, or sheep fucker
L. A Decpta-Head
M. Bi Sexual
N. Tara Conner
O. A tree hugging hippie
P. Figured out who my VIP illustration was and realized it was you
Q. Bi Sexual
R. Offended by being called a "stupid cunt"
So if you are one of the following don't tell on me, and just express your opinions to me. I'd love to hear them. Please share with me your feelings and we'll sit around a camp fire singing songs until the wheels fall off. And please, with all do respect, stop being a bunch of pussy's and stand up for yourself if you strongly disagree with me and my opinions. Otherwise, do me a favor; go play hide and go fuck yourself.
Captain Fuck Off
I'm naked! Don't comment!
Why do people write "I'm not looking for a hook up..." on their profiles? I've seen this on both guys and girls profiles. It's an understanding that you're not just looking for a piece of ass (both male and female). I mean you're not going to read a profile that says "What I'm Looking For - A quick lay, no strings attached, and would prefer it if we did it like a porno and you had a happy ending on my face."
Ladies, no matter if you put that on there or not a walking erection isn't even going to read it. They're going to look at your photos and hit the "send message" button. They could give to flying fucks whether you're looking for it or not. It's kind of like when you're young and your parents say, "if you don't ask, you'll never know..." It's the same type of situation; "hey, can we hook up and have some monkey love?" then you reply with "fuck you, you're an asshole! I'm going to blacklist you!"
Which brings me to another piece or rantyness. If you don't want guys to hit on you, then hide the photos of your tits hanging out. Don't post pictures of you and your girls getting "crunk" on the weekend and playing innocent coochie grabbing games! This tends to send the wrong message. I mean if you see a guy begging for change on the side of the street you're going to assume he's homeless and has no place to go, right? It's the same thing, we see photos of short mini skirts, your tongue down a girls throat, your tits hanging out of your shirt, or a photo of you in the shower, and call us crazy but that gives us the idea that you could possibly be easy. Hell the homeless guy my walk around the corner and getting into a Benz, take off his homeless gear and be wearing a $3,000 Versace suit.
If you don't want people to get the wrong idea then I suggest not posting the wrong idea to thousands of people. It's a pretty simple concept and how some of you dumb cunts haven't figured it out yet is totally beyond me. All you're doing is inviting perverts to speak their mind on what they see, if they don't see it they can't comment on it.
I look at Mojo and other sites like it to kind of be like deer hunting. You spend all this time out in the woods looking for this one thing and all the sudden it comes walking around the corner. What do you do? You shoot at it, or message it (for those stupid people that don't get the analogy.)
"ANALOGY - Similarity in some respects between things that are otherwise dissimilar." For the dumber people that doesn't know what an analogy is.
"There are stupid people and there are people who do stupid things, people who don't learn are the people that are stupid."
Ladies, no matter if you put that on there or not a walking erection isn't even going to read it. They're going to look at your photos and hit the "send message" button. They could give to flying fucks whether you're looking for it or not. It's kind of like when you're young and your parents say, "if you don't ask, you'll never know..." It's the same type of situation; "hey, can we hook up and have some monkey love?" then you reply with "fuck you, you're an asshole! I'm going to blacklist you!"
Which brings me to another piece or rantyness. If you don't want guys to hit on you, then hide the photos of your tits hanging out. Don't post pictures of you and your girls getting "crunk" on the weekend and playing innocent coochie grabbing games! This tends to send the wrong message. I mean if you see a guy begging for change on the side of the street you're going to assume he's homeless and has no place to go, right? It's the same thing, we see photos of short mini skirts, your tongue down a girls throat, your tits hanging out of your shirt, or a photo of you in the shower, and call us crazy but that gives us the idea that you could possibly be easy. Hell the homeless guy my walk around the corner and getting into a Benz, take off his homeless gear and be wearing a $3,000 Versace suit.
If you don't want people to get the wrong idea then I suggest not posting the wrong idea to thousands of people. It's a pretty simple concept and how some of you dumb cunts haven't figured it out yet is totally beyond me. All you're doing is inviting perverts to speak their mind on what they see, if they don't see it they can't comment on it.
I look at Mojo and other sites like it to kind of be like deer hunting. You spend all this time out in the woods looking for this one thing and all the sudden it comes walking around the corner. What do you do? You shoot at it, or message it (for those stupid people that don't get the analogy.)
"ANALOGY - Similarity in some respects between things that are otherwise dissimilar." For the dumber people that doesn't know what an analogy is.
"There are stupid people and there are people who do stupid things, people who don't learn are the people that are stupid."
Don't show my face, I'm bi!
Have you ever noticed that there's lots of peoples profiles (female profiles) that have a really hot photos of them w/ their hair in their face, them turned around not facing the camera, their hoot-n-nanner sticking out like the foot of a camel? Why is this? Is this like a movie trailer before seeing the whole film? Or is this you being ashamed of being a cum dumpster? Oh wait I forgot, 98% of you are bi so that explains a lot, you're still a little confused on...well...life.
So the whole point of this is what? I'm still confused and would love answers god damn it. Their profiles always say close to the same thing, "looking for a hot girl to come play", "not looking for a man!", "I'm a dumb slut and want to lick muff till the wheels fall off!". Ok maybe not that last one because I made that up, but however I did get a chuckle out of it. Anyway, is it a rule that if you have a hot face, and a hot body, you're not aloud to show one or the other? This must be some sort of secret bi girl rules I'm not aware of. Maybe because I'm not a girl, nor am I bi.
I'll end with this, most of you are dumber than dog shit on a stick and I kind feel sorry for you but grow up and show your face, share it with the world, let everyone know that you're a true bi slut. Don't be ashamed, be proud, talk loud, and lick carpet!
So the whole point of this is what? I'm still confused and would love answers god damn it. Their profiles always say close to the same thing, "looking for a hot girl to come play", "not looking for a man!", "I'm a dumb slut and want to lick muff till the wheels fall off!". Ok maybe not that last one because I made that up, but however I did get a chuckle out of it. Anyway, is it a rule that if you have a hot face, and a hot body, you're not aloud to show one or the other? This must be some sort of secret bi girl rules I'm not aware of. Maybe because I'm not a girl, nor am I bi.
I'll end with this, most of you are dumber than dog shit on a stick and I kind feel sorry for you but grow up and show your face, share it with the world, let everyone know that you're a true bi slut. Don't be ashamed, be proud, talk loud, and lick carpet!
Penis looking for penis = Gay
This is going to be a really quick little blurb, but I've been thinking about something. I read all these profiles in the "female" section and there's a lot of tranny's in there. Which is totally cool with me, if you're a guy and want to wear a skirt and act like a chick by all means go for it. I'm sure if you bitched about it enough mojo would change the option of Male or Female to Male, Female, Fucking Confused. But that's not the point of this (see I'm PC and all for equal rights...?)
The point is this, if you have a penis (dressed in a skirt or not) and are looking for penis, then you are GAY. If you are a female and are looking for hoot-n-nanner you are GAY. Are you seeing how this works out? The majority of these cross dressing men on here find it to be ok that because they wear a skirt and a thong and are looking for penis that they are straight or bi. How does this work? 10 years ago society redeemed a man in a pink shirt to be pretty homosexual, now times have changed but it's not penis looking for penis. Lets break it down even further, if I were to go out to meet a "hot chick" and met a cross dresser and didn't know it until I got it in the sack and reached down and grabbed a cock, I'd first look confused, then go wayyyyyyyyyy the FUCK off!
So why are you trying to pretend? If you want to be considered a woman go have your little pecker chopped off. Which technically according to science you're not really a woman because you can't reproduce nor have the organs installed that allow you to reproduce. I'm not talking about the people who get up on stage and dance around like Elton John, I'm talking about the people that live like this everyday.
This is really for your alls safety. Can you imagine meeting up with some crazy redneck and pulling a dick out? You'd be mounted on the front end of a John Deere quicker than Jesse Jackson at a Klan rally (I'm getting hate mail for that analogy.)
FYI, if you are one of these people, one piece of advice, you can tuck the cock, you can change the voice, hell you can even buy the nicest set of tits money can buy, but you for GOD DAMN sure can't hide an Adam's apple.
Write me, explain this to me, please for the love of god fucking leave a comment or two. If you disagree with me call me an asshole I'm sure I deserve it other wise sit down, shut up, and tuck.
The point is this, if you have a penis (dressed in a skirt or not) and are looking for penis, then you are GAY. If you are a female and are looking for hoot-n-nanner you are GAY. Are you seeing how this works out? The majority of these cross dressing men on here find it to be ok that because they wear a skirt and a thong and are looking for penis that they are straight or bi. How does this work? 10 years ago society redeemed a man in a pink shirt to be pretty homosexual, now times have changed but it's not penis looking for penis. Lets break it down even further, if I were to go out to meet a "hot chick" and met a cross dresser and didn't know it until I got it in the sack and reached down and grabbed a cock, I'd first look confused, then go wayyyyyyyyyy the FUCK off!
So why are you trying to pretend? If you want to be considered a woman go have your little pecker chopped off. Which technically according to science you're not really a woman because you can't reproduce nor have the organs installed that allow you to reproduce. I'm not talking about the people who get up on stage and dance around like Elton John, I'm talking about the people that live like this everyday.
This is really for your alls safety. Can you imagine meeting up with some crazy redneck and pulling a dick out? You'd be mounted on the front end of a John Deere quicker than Jesse Jackson at a Klan rally (I'm getting hate mail for that analogy.)
FYI, if you are one of these people, one piece of advice, you can tuck the cock, you can change the voice, hell you can even buy the nicest set of tits money can buy, but you for GOD DAMN sure can't hide an Adam's apple.
Write me, explain this to me, please for the love of god fucking leave a comment or two. If you disagree with me call me an asshole I'm sure I deserve it other wise sit down, shut up, and tuck.
Space Orgy
Michael Jackson molests children, OJ gets away with murder, and NASA hires a fucking psychopath.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007, Lisa Nowak, a NASA astronaut, was arrested for attempted murder against another astronaut, Colleen Shipman. She believed that she was competition in this "space love triangle" between her and another male pilot.
So, what's this dumb cunt do? She drives from Houston to Orlando in a FUCKING diaper! That's approximatly 900 miles sitting in her own piss and shit. Her reasoning? So she could get there quicker and wouldn't have to stop to go to the restroom.
Illustration done by me.
I love stupid people, because they do stupid things, and give me shit to write about.
Nowak, a married mother of three, had already been charged with attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. That's a lot of shit to do all at one time, especially doing it in a fucking diaper full of pooh. For some odd reason I find this to be one of the funniest things I have read.
Illustration done by me.
When Police caught up with her they found a bag carrying a wig, a BB gun, a new steel mallet, knife, rubber tubing and large garbage bags. Shipman said that she felt someone watching her as she walked to her car so she got into her car and locked the doors quickly.
A woman wearing a wig and trench coat, Nowak, tapped on the window asking for a ride. Shipman cracked her window and told told her to go away and Nowak sprayed mace inside the car and took her hostage.
According to NASA's official biography, Nowak is a Naval Academy graduate who has a master's degree in aeronautical engineering. Appearantly graduating with a master's degree doesn't teach you how not to be a fucking psycho.
I'll end with this, if you're an astronaut don't start fucking two other astronauts at the same time otherwise someone could put on a diaper, drive 900 miles, and attempt to kill them with a BB Gun and pepper spray.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007, Lisa Nowak, a NASA astronaut, was arrested for attempted murder against another astronaut, Colleen Shipman. She believed that she was competition in this "space love triangle" between her and another male pilot.
So, what's this dumb cunt do? She drives from Houston to Orlando in a FUCKING diaper! That's approximatly 900 miles sitting in her own piss and shit. Her reasoning? So she could get there quicker and wouldn't have to stop to go to the restroom.
Illustration done by me.
I love stupid people, because they do stupid things, and give me shit to write about.
Nowak, a married mother of three, had already been charged with attempted kidnapping, attempted vehicle burglary with battery, destruction of evidence and battery. That's a lot of shit to do all at one time, especially doing it in a fucking diaper full of pooh. For some odd reason I find this to be one of the funniest things I have read.
Illustration done by me.
When Police caught up with her they found a bag carrying a wig, a BB gun, a new steel mallet, knife, rubber tubing and large garbage bags. Shipman said that she felt someone watching her as she walked to her car so she got into her car and locked the doors quickly.
A woman wearing a wig and trench coat, Nowak, tapped on the window asking for a ride. Shipman cracked her window and told told her to go away and Nowak sprayed mace inside the car and took her hostage.
According to NASA's official biography, Nowak is a Naval Academy graduate who has a master's degree in aeronautical engineering. Appearantly graduating with a master's degree doesn't teach you how not to be a fucking psycho.
I'll end with this, if you're an astronaut don't start fucking two other astronauts at the same time otherwise someone could put on a diaper, drive 900 miles, and attempt to kill them with a BB Gun and pepper spray.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Tara Conner? Tara Reid? What's the difference
A little illustration I drew of Tara Conner, Miss America with a boozing problem. Whine, whine whine, or I should say wine, wine, wine.
What's the difference between Tara Conner and Tara Reid? I mean they're both spoiled rich bitches with drinking problems and full of self pity. They both say the stupidest shit in interviews, and they both have a face that looks like a perfect target for bukkake practice. I'm not seeing much of a difference. Move over Ms. Reid, Ms. Conner is bunking up with you at Betty's place.
More Bloging on Tara
Decepta-head
There's no real definition for decepta-head but it's a common thing I see amongst websites with personal profiles that allow pictures.
My definition of it is as follows: The process in which one angles their face in photos to make themselves appear much smaller or only taking photos of their heads to hide the massive body underneath it.
Now, I have absolutely nothing against big people. Hell I'm a little overweight myself, but these people that deceive us should be cunt punted. There's are the people that you see on the street that sort of, kind of, looks like the person from mojo you've been talking to except their ass is the size of Oklahoma and hips that resemble Rosanne Barr's 4th chin.
So why do this? Is it to feel better about your self? Because eventually people are going to figure it out. I have to say that I have met a lot of people off of Mojo and I have met my fair share of decepta-heads. It's very misleading and actually unfair to people. Warn people, be honest, tell them that you're bigger, maybe just maybe they'll like you for you and you don't have to hide.
I'll end with this: Be fat, be proud, just take pictures of yourself straight on so that people can tell how big you are, and three words, FULL BODY SHOTS!
My definition of it is as follows: The process in which one angles their face in photos to make themselves appear much smaller or only taking photos of their heads to hide the massive body underneath it.
Now, I have absolutely nothing against big people. Hell I'm a little overweight myself, but these people that deceive us should be cunt punted. There's are the people that you see on the street that sort of, kind of, looks like the person from mojo you've been talking to except their ass is the size of Oklahoma and hips that resemble Rosanne Barr's 4th chin.
So why do this? Is it to feel better about your self? Because eventually people are going to figure it out. I have to say that I have met a lot of people off of Mojo and I have met my fair share of decepta-heads. It's very misleading and actually unfair to people. Warn people, be honest, tell them that you're bigger, maybe just maybe they'll like you for you and you don't have to hide.
I'll end with this: Be fat, be proud, just take pictures of yourself straight on so that people can tell how big you are, and three words, FULL BODY SHOTS!
Sunday, February 4, 2007
The Anti Penis: A Tale of Vagina
I'm one who really enjoys people watching in the mall, on the street, or even at church, therefore that's what I do on mojo/myspace. I view different profiles especially people who look like characters or tell a story with their photos. But what I have learned about viewing girls profiles that are "bi" or "bi curious" is, they hate the penis. Why is this?
Their profiles clearly state "guys if you message me you will be instantly blacklisted/blocked/ignored/blah blah fucking blah!" So why is talking to males such a bad thing? I'm sure if you were to talk to a gay guy it'd be totally different? Oh wait, that's because he doesn't want your hoo-hoo on a platter right? Don't flatter yourself to think that all guys that message you want to have sex with you. Maybe, just maybe they would like to have a conversation with a nice lady?
I've read many times, "I've been hurt by guys so many times I'm going to jump on the other side of the fence...." So what you're saying is; you lost a guy, he screwed you over, you got hurt, now cooter sounds like a tasty snack? Hmmm I find that really hard to believe. Because in order to be gay don't you have to be attracted to the same sex? Oh I'm sorry I mean "bi" not "gay", and you're trying to tell me that this just sort of springs up out of nowhere? Hmmmmm....
I love the "bi" girls that use, "well I was soooooo drunk and she came on to me..." excuse. I buy that excuse just as much as "Honey I swear, she was naked on the bed, I walked in, a couple gnomes pulled down my zipper, pulled my cock out, one of those little bastards tripped me, and I fell right in!".
When I say the following I don't mean any negativity towards lesbians but most of you "bi" girls out there are smoking hot. Most lesbians that I've known are not skinny little blonds with fake tits and a face like Pam Anderson. I'm sure there are some out there, but I'm going with the majority here. I have a gay aunt, she has a mullet, carries a wallet, and drives a big truck. The only thing that she's missing is the dick. I know, I know, there's such a thing called "Lip Stick Lesbians", trust me I'm all for this, but how many have you actually ever seen? It's kind of like Bigfoot, you can look at archive footage all day long on the internet but seeing one for yourself in real life is highly unlikely (the same goes with the Lock Ness Monster).
Back to my "bi" rant, my biggest complaint is why would you get on a website, creat a profile, put half naked pictures of yourself on it, and for one hot second think that a guy isn't going to view this. Even better, think that a guy isn't going to respond to this. I mean hello! Look at porn, what do a lot of guys like to see, a little girl on girl action, a little tongue to twat!
My biggest question is, what exactly is "bi"? I mean I know you like both male and female, but do you go around thinking at all times "wow I bet he has a nice package, HOLLY SHIT LOOK AT THE TITS ON THAT!" I would think that it would be quite the confusing life style. Which apearantly by your profiles you "bi" girls want nothing to do with a guy so wouldn't that make you *Mr. Wood Chuck voice* GAY!? There must be a very VERY fine line there.
So to all of you high school girls that think you're "bi" and to all you 30 year olds and up that say you're "bi"; Chef from Southpark once said, "there's a time and place for all that shit and it's called COLLEGE!"
Feel free to comment, feel free to write me hate mail, hell write me fan mail. Live and let live, just don't land naked face first on a mouse trap.
Their profiles clearly state "guys if you message me you will be instantly blacklisted/blocked/ignored/blah blah fucking blah!" So why is talking to males such a bad thing? I'm sure if you were to talk to a gay guy it'd be totally different? Oh wait, that's because he doesn't want your hoo-hoo on a platter right? Don't flatter yourself to think that all guys that message you want to have sex with you. Maybe, just maybe they would like to have a conversation with a nice lady?
I've read many times, "I've been hurt by guys so many times I'm going to jump on the other side of the fence...." So what you're saying is; you lost a guy, he screwed you over, you got hurt, now cooter sounds like a tasty snack? Hmmm I find that really hard to believe. Because in order to be gay don't you have to be attracted to the same sex? Oh I'm sorry I mean "bi" not "gay", and you're trying to tell me that this just sort of springs up out of nowhere? Hmmmmm....
I love the "bi" girls that use, "well I was soooooo drunk and she came on to me..." excuse. I buy that excuse just as much as "Honey I swear, she was naked on the bed, I walked in, a couple gnomes pulled down my zipper, pulled my cock out, one of those little bastards tripped me, and I fell right in!".
When I say the following I don't mean any negativity towards lesbians but most of you "bi" girls out there are smoking hot. Most lesbians that I've known are not skinny little blonds with fake tits and a face like Pam Anderson. I'm sure there are some out there, but I'm going with the majority here. I have a gay aunt, she has a mullet, carries a wallet, and drives a big truck. The only thing that she's missing is the dick. I know, I know, there's such a thing called "Lip Stick Lesbians", trust me I'm all for this, but how many have you actually ever seen? It's kind of like Bigfoot, you can look at archive footage all day long on the internet but seeing one for yourself in real life is highly unlikely (the same goes with the Lock Ness Monster).
Back to my "bi" rant, my biggest complaint is why would you get on a website, creat a profile, put half naked pictures of yourself on it, and for one hot second think that a guy isn't going to view this. Even better, think that a guy isn't going to respond to this. I mean hello! Look at porn, what do a lot of guys like to see, a little girl on girl action, a little tongue to twat!
My biggest question is, what exactly is "bi"? I mean I know you like both male and female, but do you go around thinking at all times "wow I bet he has a nice package, HOLLY SHIT LOOK AT THE TITS ON THAT!" I would think that it would be quite the confusing life style. Which apearantly by your profiles you "bi" girls want nothing to do with a guy so wouldn't that make you *Mr. Wood Chuck voice* GAY!? There must be a very VERY fine line there.
So to all of you high school girls that think you're "bi" and to all you 30 year olds and up that say you're "bi"; Chef from Southpark once said, "there's a time and place for all that shit and it's called COLLEGE!"
Feel free to comment, feel free to write me hate mail, hell write me fan mail. Live and let live, just don't land naked face first on a mouse trap.
VIP: Glass or Plastic
I love VIP just as much as the next asshole, but VIP in Louisville isn't really VIP. However, you uneducated horse fuckers think that it is. Let's take Red Cheetah for example. There's 6 stairs, a xl railing, and a "bouncer" that resembles Corky from Life Goes On that separates the "regular" from the "VIP". What's the difference? Ahh, well, it cost a little more, there's couches, there's the opportunity to purchase a bottle of liquor (not just a glass) but when you buy the bottle it's fucking crazy expensive ($135 for a bottle of Vodka that in the stores is $35) there's very little standing room, but the best part is you get a REAL glass. I'm not talking about that plastic shit you regular ole people get way down below us, I'm talking a FUCKING GLASS! Ahhh, but you can't leave the VIP section with that wonderful glass, you have to pour it into a plastic cup, now you just became a regular lounge lizard with a colorful bracelet. But overall what separates you from the rest? A plastic cup, or a glass.
The overall best part of the entire experience, is the fact that you're 4 feet above the people down "below", and you get to look down on them. I thought being VIP was suppose to be an experience that you hypothetically look down on people, not literally.
The point to this is I view profiles, photo galleries, etc and what do I see? I see photos with captions that say "me and muh gurls in VIP..." and whatnot. I can tell you that in a REAL big city club you hoe-bag skanks with botched boob jobs would never walk into the door of a VIP section.
So you're here in Louisville thinking you're a BIG shot because you can get a real glass and pay more money for the same drink and for some sort of fucking crazy reason, you have to take photos to document it.
Why do you do this? You document and take photos of important things, like your kids(most likely out of wedlock), your wedding (most of you lounge lizards will never marry), but not you and your "crunk" friends thinking you're special.
Do you see people in Tao taking photos of each other? Nope, and whys that? Because no one can have cameras and the only photos you'll see are looking through the glass from photography sharks or the exit door where someone special is leaving!
Go to your VIP sections, be proud, but realize you're nothing of nothing and if the most proud moment you have is taking a photo with your friends in a VIP section of a bar in Louisville Kentucky, then The Beatles said it right "...happiness is a warm gun.
The overall best part of the entire experience, is the fact that you're 4 feet above the people down "below", and you get to look down on them. I thought being VIP was suppose to be an experience that you hypothetically look down on people, not literally.
The point to this is I view profiles, photo galleries, etc and what do I see? I see photos with captions that say "me and muh gurls in VIP..." and whatnot. I can tell you that in a REAL big city club you hoe-bag skanks with botched boob jobs would never walk into the door of a VIP section.
So you're here in Louisville thinking you're a BIG shot because you can get a real glass and pay more money for the same drink and for some sort of fucking crazy reason, you have to take photos to document it.
Why do you do this? You document and take photos of important things, like your kids(most likely out of wedlock), your wedding (most of you lounge lizards will never marry), but not you and your "crunk" friends thinking you're special.
Do you see people in Tao taking photos of each other? Nope, and whys that? Because no one can have cameras and the only photos you'll see are looking through the glass from photography sharks or the exit door where someone special is leaving!
Go to your VIP sections, be proud, but realize you're nothing of nothing and if the most proud moment you have is taking a photo with your friends in a VIP section of a bar in Louisville Kentucky, then The Beatles said it right "...happiness is a warm gun.
All Beast & No Beauty
All people have different addictions, some are drugs, some are alcohol, some are caffeine, but the leading killer is food. Yes, we have to have food to live, but not the shit we put in our bodies on a day to day basis.
I sat in a restaurant recently and observed the people eating around me and noticed that they were a wee bit overweight. Okay I'm being nice, they were extremely obese! Then I took a look at the place that I was at and looked at the menu and noticed that everything on the menu was fried! But wait, they give you a salad to start out with so it must be healthy?! Watching this one person eat was quite disguisting, but I couldn't stop watching. It was like watching the trainers at the zoo feeding the animals, you don't really know why you're watching it, but you know that you're amazed by it.
I'm not really sure of how some of you view this, but I can explain my views pretty easy.
You go into a place, they have some options of "side dishes", they're vegetables, but they're soaked in fat, fat, fat, oh yeah and some more fat! Green beans deep fried, carrots fried in butter, or butter broccoli.
So why is Americans the fattest out of all the other countries? Some say it's because we can actually afford to eat out all the time, others say (and my opinion) because we use food to comfort us, also known as "comfort food". Places like Cracker Barrel, Bob Evans, Po' Folks, they all serve comfort foods. Foods that we as Americans find to settle us at our most down moments.
Illustration done by me.
Look at McDonald's for instance, they start up a $1 menu. A lot of people loves this little added cheap heart attack. The motivation is that you can eat cheap, you can fill your body full of foods that make your ass grow for only $1. Places like Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers charge you $50 a month to loose weight, and McDonald's charges you $1 to pack the pounds back on.
So McDonald's starts this dollar menu thing and almost all of the other national chained fast food joints follow. So now you can go to almost any highway exit and grab a bite for $1 or two.
So what's all this mean? It's quite simple. We're all FUCKING lazy and are always on the move. Some of us feel that we don't have any other choice but to go to these places. Hell I know that it's much easier, especially people traveling on the road. But that's where all the marketing of these places come from, they know that you're in a rush, they know that you have to eat, so they mark things down to $1 so that not only you can get them in a flash, but you can save your pennies.
Are you really saving though, I mean how much does open heart surgery cost? I'm sure it's a lot more than a double cheese burger and a medium fry.
But it's not just fast food that's out there that makes us fat. Go to a carnival, or a state fair, and there's huge signs that say "Deep-fried Snickers and Twinkie!". Okay, like these weren't horrible for you in the first place, now add a pound of batter and 13lbs of fat and now you have a heart attack in a paper cup. Yum!
We have events to see how much you can eat! Not only do you try to stuff your face full, but you have a timer running at the same time, therefore you're also swallowing everything whole, not allowing your xbolism catch up!
I'm not saying that you should never eat this stuff, but like any other drug, you have to do it in moderation and not make a lifestyle out of it; other wise your ass begins to grow, your heart rate starts to speed up, and your ass starts looking like Rosie O'Donnell and then you die.
I sat in a restaurant recently and observed the people eating around me and noticed that they were a wee bit overweight. Okay I'm being nice, they were extremely obese! Then I took a look at the place that I was at and looked at the menu and noticed that everything on the menu was fried! But wait, they give you a salad to start out with so it must be healthy?! Watching this one person eat was quite disguisting, but I couldn't stop watching. It was like watching the trainers at the zoo feeding the animals, you don't really know why you're watching it, but you know that you're amazed by it.
I'm not really sure of how some of you view this, but I can explain my views pretty easy.
You go into a place, they have some options of "side dishes", they're vegetables, but they're soaked in fat, fat, fat, oh yeah and some more fat! Green beans deep fried, carrots fried in butter, or butter broccoli.
So why is Americans the fattest out of all the other countries? Some say it's because we can actually afford to eat out all the time, others say (and my opinion) because we use food to comfort us, also known as "comfort food". Places like Cracker Barrel, Bob Evans, Po' Folks, they all serve comfort foods. Foods that we as Americans find to settle us at our most down moments.
Illustration done by me.
Look at McDonald's for instance, they start up a $1 menu. A lot of people loves this little added cheap heart attack. The motivation is that you can eat cheap, you can fill your body full of foods that make your ass grow for only $1. Places like Jenny Craig, and Weight Watchers charge you $50 a month to loose weight, and McDonald's charges you $1 to pack the pounds back on.
So McDonald's starts this dollar menu thing and almost all of the other national chained fast food joints follow. So now you can go to almost any highway exit and grab a bite for $1 or two.
So what's all this mean? It's quite simple. We're all FUCKING lazy and are always on the move. Some of us feel that we don't have any other choice but to go to these places. Hell I know that it's much easier, especially people traveling on the road. But that's where all the marketing of these places come from, they know that you're in a rush, they know that you have to eat, so they mark things down to $1 so that not only you can get them in a flash, but you can save your pennies.
Are you really saving though, I mean how much does open heart surgery cost? I'm sure it's a lot more than a double cheese burger and a medium fry.
But it's not just fast food that's out there that makes us fat. Go to a carnival, or a state fair, and there's huge signs that say "Deep-fried Snickers and Twinkie!". Okay, like these weren't horrible for you in the first place, now add a pound of batter and 13lbs of fat and now you have a heart attack in a paper cup. Yum!
We have events to see how much you can eat! Not only do you try to stuff your face full, but you have a timer running at the same time, therefore you're also swallowing everything whole, not allowing your xbolism catch up!
I'm not saying that you should never eat this stuff, but like any other drug, you have to do it in moderation and not make a lifestyle out of it; other wise your ass begins to grow, your heart rate starts to speed up, and your ass starts looking like Rosie O'Donnell and then you die.
The Lazy & The Cheese
There's nothing that I have against government assistance, as long as it's used properly. I have nothing against people who are poor, nor do I have anything against people who seek out for assistance. I mean after all, that's what it's there for, right? However, I would go out on a limb and say that 70-80% of the people using government assistance are lazy fucks that won't go out and get a job, and those my friends are the people who piss me off the most and only one word comes to mind, WORTHLESS!
I use to work at a little grocery store out off 3rd street several years ago and I would say it's probably the food stamp capitol of Louisville. The store was surrounded by the projects and you had to speak 12 languages to talk to every customer that came in there.
One Korean family that use to come in daily, use to buy a shitload of produce and meat, every single day. This struck up my curiosity to what you could do with all that food. Come to find out this particular family owned a little restaurant next door. The US government gave them money to come to the US to start a small business, they lived in section 8 housing (housing like 15 people in a 3 bedroom place), and received $800 a month in food stamps. Ahh but what were they buying on a daily basis? They were buying all the food for their restaurant! So not only did they get money to start the business and have all their living expenses paid for, but they played the system so that the government was paying for their inventory for their restaurant.
Now I can't fully blame these types of people (immigrants) because they were probably living in some sort of shithole and found a way out to a better life. I don't blame anyone for trying to better themselves...
Illustration done by me
But, people that live here play the system too. People that are from here found out that they could be completely fucking lazy and get paid for it. They found out that you can get paid to sit on your ass and be worthless. Our government supports this type of behavoir. You can come back by saying "that's not what it's designed for..." and you're right it's not, but this isn't some sort of secret that no one knows about (and if it is I would like full credit for it coming out to the open).
If your life goal is to sit on your ass, watch Dr. Phil, and eat Doritos till the wheels fall off (your trailer) then you're in the right place. The law pretty much says you can have all the free government money you want as long as you make nothing at all. But if you make a little bit you're fucked, and I'm not talking a little fucked, I'm talking bent over and dry fucked without being bought dinner first.
Even better, if you pop out kids like a cockroach then you can get even more shit for free! Your food stamps go up, you can get WIC, your housing vouchers go up, and you can get free babysitters. And not just like it's a babysitter at a government daycare, but they'll send you a check so that YOU can pay the babysitter. So people are watching their own kids and getting this money and putting it in their pocket! Good parents have to be paid to watch their own kid(s)?
Now you can even get your college education paid for. People bust their ass to go to college and can't really afford it, but because they're trying to better themselves they can't get this little perk. So pretty much you just have to become a complete piece of shit to get assistance.
I mean what kind of people really live for handouts? I don't care if you're white, black, brown, purple, green, or orange, I have no respect for any of you that abuse this privilege. You live in America, be proud of this, realize where you could come from, and want to better yourself.
There's never going to be an end to this because there's always going to be people looking for that handout and not hand up but just like Mr. Pink says "...if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball"
I use to work at a little grocery store out off 3rd street several years ago and I would say it's probably the food stamp capitol of Louisville. The store was surrounded by the projects and you had to speak 12 languages to talk to every customer that came in there.
One Korean family that use to come in daily, use to buy a shitload of produce and meat, every single day. This struck up my curiosity to what you could do with all that food. Come to find out this particular family owned a little restaurant next door. The US government gave them money to come to the US to start a small business, they lived in section 8 housing (housing like 15 people in a 3 bedroom place), and received $800 a month in food stamps. Ahh but what were they buying on a daily basis? They were buying all the food for their restaurant! So not only did they get money to start the business and have all their living expenses paid for, but they played the system so that the government was paying for their inventory for their restaurant.
Now I can't fully blame these types of people (immigrants) because they were probably living in some sort of shithole and found a way out to a better life. I don't blame anyone for trying to better themselves...
Illustration done by me
But, people that live here play the system too. People that are from here found out that they could be completely fucking lazy and get paid for it. They found out that you can get paid to sit on your ass and be worthless. Our government supports this type of behavoir. You can come back by saying "that's not what it's designed for..." and you're right it's not, but this isn't some sort of secret that no one knows about (and if it is I would like full credit for it coming out to the open).
If your life goal is to sit on your ass, watch Dr. Phil, and eat Doritos till the wheels fall off (your trailer) then you're in the right place. The law pretty much says you can have all the free government money you want as long as you make nothing at all. But if you make a little bit you're fucked, and I'm not talking a little fucked, I'm talking bent over and dry fucked without being bought dinner first.
Even better, if you pop out kids like a cockroach then you can get even more shit for free! Your food stamps go up, you can get WIC, your housing vouchers go up, and you can get free babysitters. And not just like it's a babysitter at a government daycare, but they'll send you a check so that YOU can pay the babysitter. So people are watching their own kids and getting this money and putting it in their pocket! Good parents have to be paid to watch their own kid(s)?
Now you can even get your college education paid for. People bust their ass to go to college and can't really afford it, but because they're trying to better themselves they can't get this little perk. So pretty much you just have to become a complete piece of shit to get assistance.
I mean what kind of people really live for handouts? I don't care if you're white, black, brown, purple, green, or orange, I have no respect for any of you that abuse this privilege. You live in America, be proud of this, realize where you could come from, and want to better yourself.
There's never going to be an end to this because there's always going to be people looking for that handout and not hand up but just like Mr. Pink says "...if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball"
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